Ordering sperm over the internet is not for the faint of heart.

The only thing more terrifying was my brief detour to a site called the Known Donor Registry. After only a couple of days with my details registered, the number of offers that I received from men interested in coming to my aid was baffling… until I read further into each offer of assistance and realized that they were only interested in helping if my preferred method of insemination was NI. Natural insemination. Sex. That was a hard no, so on to the next option.*

The number of sperm bank options are overwhelming, and while each bank offers very similar services, the differences were just enough to cause a case of analysis paralysis for me. When choosing someone strictly on the merits of their genetic material, how do you make the decision?

In the end, I chose a bank that offered “bonus” information at no additional cost. Baby picture, genetic testing results, a few pages of Q&A, a handwritten essay and even a voice sample. Basically, I picked a bank with the best marketing (which is slightly ridiculous), but it’s what felt right at the time. Good marketing and the fact that they had a coupon (this is not a joke). Thirty years in business entitled me to a coupon code to save 15%, and considering the price being paid per straw it seemed too good to pass up.

My bank decision made, I set out to try and find someone that (at least on paper) looked like me. Brown hair, brown eyes, a little tall, maybe some freckles. Beyond the physical characteristics, I wanted someone that was willing to be a known donor. This can mean different things at each bank, but at Cryos it meant that my child could reach out to the bank to request name and contact information for their donor once they were eighteen. I had no interest in having a relationship with the guy (other than to say thank you), but I knew I wanted to be able to explain to my child that I had taken steps to try and get any answers to questions that they might have (and of course they would have questions – it’s human nature to want to know your own history).

Then the question became motility. This is another reason I chose Cryos – they offered different levels of motility (or parts per million, so to speak) in varying price buckets. I called my fertility specialist, and she was surprised that they even had options, so I decided to purchase the same level offered by one of the most widely used banks in the country – California Cryobank. At $700 per straw, not including the required shipping ($250 including a nitrogen tank), it wasn’t cheap, but it was worth it. I had my guy.

I had assumed that would be the end of the donor drama, but I was wrong. Ordering sperm during hurricane season, only a few days before an active storm, was stressful. I called both the lab that would be housing my straws, keeping them on ice until I needed them, and the bank itself to ask what would happen in the event of a package lost in the mail, and both assured me that it wouldn’t happen. Still, I work in an industry and watch packages get lost and misrouted every day, so it didn’t provide much relief. I joked to close friends at the time that the process might be over before it got started – some well-meaning receiving clerk clocks out to grab lunch and forgets about my tank on the shipping dock, but the package was delivered without incident. Received and put on ice until I was ready, which meant more ovulation tests and waiting.

Waiting for a smiley face so that I could schedule my first IUI.